Fenpas - the 24th of August the year 3121
This feeling is making me insane. I despise them all, never a day can I live without them. And I long to do so. They are everywhere and it sickens me to the never ending depths of my very heart. It is of them I speak. My fellow citizens, my servant and my very family and friends. No longer they posses a meaning to me. It is all foolish to think that such happiness shall ever be bestowed upon me again.
My anger and hate wrecks within the very place that I call home. No longer will I stay in this place for all it does contain is.. Corruption..
Renpas - the 25th of August the year 3121
Yesterday.. It pains me to think of it.. A council member of the great Eresir order came to see me.
“Not well” was his words.. I do neither care for his wisdom, nor words. I feel better than ever.. And yet... It is time to leave, before I am imprisoned within my own heart..
Zenpas - the 26th of August the year 3121
The feeling inside of me. It is no longer just a feeling.. It can be an indescribable pain, and a wonderful bliss beyond all imagination.. Where does it come from? No matter what..
I am ridden of them. I need not worry about their safety.. Their safety? Why am I writing these thoughtful and well thought of words?
Kaarpas – the 14th of September the year 3121
It have been a while since last time I put the feathery pen on the papers of this document. Nightfall has come. I am in the great unknown to the east. The great unexplored forests where almost none has ever been before. I feel it. It is no longer a part of me it is.. Fr--
[Teksten ser ud til at ændre karakter og læsbarhed her]
At last. My birth into this world has come.. It shall be of great peril to the creatures of Morania, and many kills I shall do. ALL in the name of NISARA, my queen and my leader..
Fenpas – the 15th of September the year 3121
I had hope to avoid this.. But it seems that I have put too must trust into my bliss.
I have become once more what I were then. Only now it is much worse – And I fear that I shall be forced to slay innocence.. Once more I need more strength.. Before I leave for the slaughter and become completely devoured by it..Oh gods of old hear my plea.. Give me strength to fight against this great misfortune that have been cast down upon I.
Zenpas – the 30th of September the year 3123
My plea have been heard! I now sit in this meadow.. A goddess have summoned me here.. For what reason I do-- The events that have just taken place before my very eyes are indescribable indeed! While I was writing this entry into my journal something miraculously happened.
White broad flowers have span from the tip of my nose to the horizon of my line of sight. They radiate in a cool blue colour and as I bowed down to investigate one of these interesting objects further, trees began to sprout up around me in the meadow. Tall and broad trees that would seem to have lived for centuries!
As I write this, the meadow is becoming a forest. And very slowly I begin to recall my terrible life.. All my wrongdoings are becoming clear to me.. I am truly cursed..
The goddess have appeared in front of me and her name is Avia. When I first saw her.. I could not recognize her nor recall her legendary name.. But now.. All is clear to me. The forest glimmers with this strange blue mist that must be coming from the flowers.. This is truly a blessing!
Harépas – the 3rd of November the year 3123
No! This cannot be! Oh I poor creature.. Now the blessing will surely fade.. What have I done..
What have I done! The gods are angered with me.. But I know not for what reason.. It feels as death itself have taken it's tol--
Renpas – the 2nd of December the year 3123
Indeed something is controlling me. I know now, for every night is as if my soul is parted in two. One side of me struggling to hold back, and the other lusting to do it's bloody kills in the name of Nisara.. The gods are angered, for it would seem I have cast my own curse unto others .. Oh how I pity their now poisoned souls.. I shall cry my sorrow out in the sound of the howling beast that I have come to be.. I am nothing more than a lost spirit – A wicked tool of the gods.
Zenpas – the 3rd of December the year 3123
It have long been known to me that my soul is damned.. Ever since that night only two years ago now.. Oh I still remember it far too clearly.. Know ye who reads this, that elves cannot sleep, but this sleep was enforced upon me by the very goddess that I now must obey every night..
The experience.. Like burned into the inner side of my eyelids.. She took form of a wolf and she haunted me..And she never will stop to do so, for as long as I live, I must do her evil bidding.
Harépas – the 4th of December the year 3123
As I continue to live in this magickal forest it have come to my mind.. Slow but steadily my memories are returning. I have begun to remember who I once was.. One who once was known to me as friends..
Friends? I know of no such meaning.. Friends or enemy, it is the same.. As the moon ascents they all must die. All too soon shall I lose control of you again, let us not waste the time given to us by the mighty mistress of night. Let us hunt..
Mihpas – the 5th of December the year 3123
Oh how it sickens me.. My lustful queen have once again failed. No.. It is I who have failed her.. I fear she will indeed be crossed with me.. My strength and thus, my power over this body seems to fade, and yet my punishment lingers.. Why? But know this. I will forever serve you and I shall indeed truly forever be your loyal servant mistress of death.
Alas the moon descents and so shall my control, yes, be yourself pathetic elf, but only for a few more days, then I shall rule over your mind and body once more..
Sarpas – the 6th of December the year 3123
To read my cursed side's writings.. That is indeed frightening, to know that I indeed wrote this in my sickened state of mind..
But I shall think of that no more. Fortune have befallen me. I do remember more to my life.
It is as the longer I stay, the stronger I seem to become and the longer I am able to hold back my inner demon. I pray that it is not just a deceiving imaginary thought..
Perhaps there is hope for me after all – Perhaps this place was meant as a blessing for this cursed place beknownst as my mind, body and soul.
Kaarpas – the 7th of December the year 3123
My goddess have come. Yes she who is truly my goddess. She blessed me this wonderful day with what seem to be left of my forgotten memories. It is a bliss and a curse to have them back, but I must learn to accept of what the goddesses have found to be my destiny..
I was also told the name of this place and I shall write it here so it shall be forever remembered.
Karstaag – The name of the only place in the land of Morania that I can call home.
Avia have warned me. I will soon encounter something in my existence that will be of great shock to me. I pray only I will survive.. It seems that it was painful for Avia to tell.. Oh how I wish she could have informed me well.. The gods shall know I truly am in need of their blessings. Mayhap I continue to wear this cursed soul until it has been cleansed of all evil and I shall once again return to my homeland?
Fenpas – the 8th of December the year 3123
How it amuses me to watch his hope vanish and become what is known to man as despair.
You thought, you prayed and you wished that you were rid of me forever more. And yet your gods seem to have failed you elf. My deceiving queen will forever be more powerful than yours. You will do her evil bidding without delay. Now hurry, we have an ally to meet with. Oh how I will long to be part of you tomorrow when I shall see your reaction to what we have created together, elf.
Renpas – the 9th of December the year 3123
When I found the writings of my demon wolf this morning I was puzzled.. But no more.. I understand now what it means.. I feel as i could howl of sorrow, but I will not give my wolf that pleasure! I am filled with wrath and I am filled with sorrow. Both seems to overwhelm me completely.
The guest he spoke of is one – cursed as I - the first.. The first I ever bit- I remember her face.. Though now it is covered in thick, autumn-colored fur. She appeared to me this morning. Her shape were still the form of a wolf and yet she was standing in the bright morning light!
“Embrace the beast in yourself. And you too could become a wolf at day.” She told me. She sees this as a blessing! I cannot understand it.. I pray that those I have bitten will not all be like this. I pray that a spark of me that is elf will fight the demon in their inner.. For I have bitten many.. She must be stopped.. Chained inside her own mind.. I cannot allow her to spread my curse to the whole world.. For she is truly wicked enough to do so..
Zenpas – the 10th of December the year 3123
Tonight I will meet with her again.. I have yet to find a way. Though she bears many of my strengths I must find a weakness.. I will write no more of this matter already are the words within this journal too revealing. Oh Avia where art thou? I am in great peril and I am in great need of thou guidance. The moon is ascending, and night will soon be here. I must prepare myself for the change..
Harépas – the 11th of December the year 3123
I have used most of this beautiful day on researching the flowers that I pray will forever bloom in this forest. Even now in the cold hearted times of winter they prevail. They bloom under the snow, and as nightfall reaches these parts of Morania, their magickal blue lights shine under the snow. It is truly a sight like one have never seen.. It reminds me of the crystals that can be found in the mountains around Correntain. Alas.. I fear that I shall never return to my homeland..
Mihpas – the 12th of December the year 3123
My apology for keeping my researching hidden for today. It seemed that I had completely forgotten to write about this matter yesterday as I had become lost in memories.. The new moon has been close for some time now and I feel.. Free. The further away from the phase of the full moon I am, the weaker my demon inside seems to be. Can it be possible that this creature is dependent of the light of the full moon? I will have to research this matter further. I need to know everything I can about my other side before I can find a way to trap it inside its own mind..
Sarpas – the 13th of December the year 3123
Yet again I was forgetful.. I will write the result of my research immediately so I will forget no more. The flowers that blooms here will live for a few weeks without having a source of life, and the bearer will become as much wolf as I. Their mind will however be their own.. Perhaps it is possible to find a cure for this curse in these flowers. I do however not have the courage to pick more than one I fear that Avia will be crossed if I were to start experimenting with her blessing.. I will however keep the research in this entry.. And perhaps one day an alchemist like I will find a way to control our inner beasts. But for now.. I must stay within this protective wood known as Karstaag. It feels as a prison .. But I must stay within this land if I am to control myself and keep the creatures of Morania safe from my curse and bloody kills. My fate is indeed grim.
Kaarpas – the 14th of December the year 3123
At last! Hope has once again been restored. A friend – or at least an ally have come to be. They too will be let to this wondrous place by Avia herself. Called to be a source of understanding.. That is what I was told.. I know not whether it is a woman nor man but I pray it is not who I fear it is..
There were someone else.. Someone who I bit when I was still a trusted member of Correntains civilization.. At the opening ball which was held in celebration of the completion of the white tower.
Selavi Sarrasri.. That is her name. It was the last evening that I was free to walk where I desired. I remember it so clearly. The very same day I had been out in the forest mountains researching crystals for magickal attributes when we were attacked by a wolf. But it was no ordinary wolf.
It was Nisara in disguise and she had come for me..
What I am about to write are memories I would have done much to have kept in oblivion.. Alas Avia thought it wiser of me to remember and record them.. Perhaps as a lesson for betraying my entire race?
We escaped Nisara and at first we thought we had outran her -- How foolish we indeed were. We separated behind the secure gates of Correntain and I traveled home to prepare for the evening ball. She came to me.. And I know not if it was a dream or not.. She put me in a trance and slowly but surely I lost control of my body, she rip-opened my soul and touched it with her filthy hands after having removed all my garments. I woke up and ripped the door open. And as I did the wolf was standing on the other side waiting for me.. It happened faster that I could register and within what seemed like time had not moved, it had buried it's fangs into my left shoulder.
I woke up yet again fully dressed.. It knocked on my door and I opened it. My dearest of servants stood in the door opening ready with my newly sewed garments created for this one night – The grand celebration of the white tower. Unfortunately it should also celebrate something far more sinister.. The moon is ascending.. I must stop for now unless the wolf mayhap shall regain strength from this entry and the feelings that are forged into it..
Fenpas – the 15th of December the year 3123
As the moon leaves the sky, that is when I now dare to put the pen back on the pages of the dairy.
I arrived at the entrance to king Tharqauin's halls in my carriage where the ball was to be held. At the entrance a beautiful high elf was dressed in red garments and as I greeted her and once again sought eye contract I was staring into the eyes of Nisara. She was smirking at me with a seductive look filled with deception and lust. If you think this to be offensive, I recommend you read no further. However- I implore you, if you do wish to know what happened to me and why I exiled myself, then you must continue. I will spare you all of the unnecessary deeds and inform you only of the most important. You have been warned.
I was shocked to see Nisara in front of me this soon again. I forced myself to close my eyes and be rid of her.. And when I opened them once more, indeed the beautiful women dressed in the red garments were looking friendly at me. But you could sense a touch of worry if you, like I, am good at interpreting facial expressions.
With a troubled mind I entered the halls. My hands were still shaking from the event that had just taken place; but I forgot about all that when I saw her..Selavi Sarrasri. She had found me in the tremendous crowd of our highelven kin. With a body shaking from the past events I bowed gently to her, as I had did the same morning when it had still been a day with no worries so great as this; Then I approached her, took her hand and kissed it gently and as I looked upon her face again, the frail smile that I had forced onto my face vanished in the blink of an eye. For I stared into the eyes of Nisara and as she asked me what was wrong with a voice that was not of her own, I felt a strong burning feeling in my left shoulder. I pushed the garments away from it and to my fright, revealing red bite marks. I quickly hurried away and as I did I wondered if it was all a dream or the impossible truth I was living..
I fled the halls as steady as possible under these critical circumstances. Trying to cause as little disruption as possible. I walked away from the king's domain and into an empty hallway. There were not a soul to see or hear anywhere. I understood that they must all be at the kings halls. For a moment I allowed myself to relax. But I should never had done so and I realized too late why.
I heard her voice, and I saw her approach me.. I would not let her put me into a trance again! I waited until she had brought herself close enough to me in her seductive dance so I could reach her.
I drew my weapon and stabbed it into her shoulder. I felt a thick liquid flood my mouth and I realized what had been the truth but it was no more possible to undo what I had done..
In my sickened state of mind I had not registered the truth and that which I thought had been a weapon, had indeed been my own teeth which now was flooded in the blood of Selavis. Her body now carried a proof of my insane sickness.. Marks of fangs appeared in her shoulder and as I saw this I heard her scream of pain and despair. I became sick .. I could take no more..
I fear that is all I remember before my memories blurred into a mist of oblivion.. I have ended my record and reported my bloody deeds. I have admitted that it was truly I who was weak..
I have indeed failed my own race and thus I must pay the price of my cursed mind.
And it shall be very soon. For as I write this, I realize the day has gone and nightfall approaches.
Renpas – the 16th of December the year 3123
Tonight I shall enjoy my span of life for the first of times in far too many years.
A cursed and tormented soul has come to I. He too has had his blood poisoned by my fangs. Whilst I know not how to help I still do find his presence somewhat soothing and comforting. It have only been a few years since the war of the gods have ended and the regions of lands were scattered far - Leaving nothing but emptiness in between them.. It is a horrid sight.. Some years ago I remember having seen it from one of the highest towers in Correntain.. Beyond the mountains of the west.
First you see only sea. But then you realize that the horizon where the sky and water touches is not a horizon but a tremendous hole of nothingness where the waters leaves this region and seem to fall into a forever long fall into the emptiness of our world. How the great ocean is never depleting will forever be a mystery; Even to us of elven kin.
Zenpas – the 17th of December the year 3123
Oh this is so pathetic! To see you pray for hope all day! Know that you will never be rid of me, never! Have you forgotten all the bloody kills you do every night when you are not occupied writing in this journal of yours? Have you forgotten the children that you slay so carelessly, the family that you split, the people that you curse!? Oh.. But do not worry. That is why I am here. To remind you that you shall continue to do so as long as you live. And when this body shall finally fade one day.. You and I shall truly become one. When the barrier between us fails, that is when I shall take over your mind forever, and be reborn into all of those that you love the most. You shall serve her, The great Mistress and death. Serve and forever kill in her name. Dare you not forget Elf... You and I shall become one some day. There is no reason to fight that. And should you try.. You will only find that it is an impossible task. No mortal has the strength to question the actions of the gods!
Harépas – the 18th of December the year 3123
It was foolish of me to think such thoughts. I know that now.. I will never get rid of you, wolf. But I will not give up either! I have been granted an ally in this impossible fight against you, someone to accompany me every night. Perhaps a friend to hunt with.. I have found, that if I stay deep inside the forest, I cannot escape into The land of the free before my mind will return to it's rightful state.
Mihpas – the 19th of December the year 3123
Today I ventured out of the haven. I seems to have lost much manner as of late, for I have not yet told you about my friend. His name is Kilan Faarenkar and he is oddly enough a human. But a very gentle one. We have yet to understand how to communicate. I do however believe I have taught him well and that we can mayhaps, soon, truly understand each other to some degree. Until then I will have to speak to his wolf. It seems different than mine. It seems free, and he seems to be in balance with it. Dare I hope that I did indeed pass something of a greater good into his mind, and not simply cursing him with this monster of a demon known as what I have come to be?
Sarpas – the 20th of December the year 3123
Time has come for me to undo what I have done. I have consulted Avia with my plans and I feel that we are ready to confront the wicked wolf with the autumm colored fur. I know not her name, and I must gain her trust to forfill this plan with success. It shall indeed be a task worthy my mind and I pray that I will succeed. For should I not, I fear the world will be chaos and the chaotic gods of old shall be released upon this world, and mayhap bring an end to it.
Kaarpas – the 21st of December the year 3123
Our plan has two huge obstacles. I must gain the winter crystals that is located in my homelands. However, I can neither travel that far before the moon rises, and once that happen, I will lose myself and my inner demon will know well what to do, to prevent my plans. It is truly a challenge to posses ones strongest enemy within one self.
Fenpas – the 22nd of December the year 3123
This afternoon I told Kilan Faarenkar of my research on this forest. He was indeed fascinated with the results that I had gained from my studies. He too yearns to understand me, and yet I fear, that will never come to be. For the task I have been given will most likely require my very soul.
This early evening, Kilan reminded me of a certain property within the flowers of these lands. Their pollen seems to have a soothing effect on us demon wolves - and I must admit now, that is what we are.. I think that if I could find a way to bring that pollen with me to breathe, I could perhaps have found a solution to the first obstacle that shall prevent me from collecting the crystals. For once I would have wished for Avia to cross the law of the gods and collect the crystals for us – No, such thoughts are foolish. These tasks were given to me for a reason, if I am to ever recover my lost honor, this will be the way to do so.
Renpas – the 23rd of December the year 3123
This night I will take my leave, I have found a solution to both my obstacles. I shall carry a moonflower with me. In a moment I shall take on my other shape and yet retain my own mindset even though I am outside this forest of blessings. My second obstacle is to retrieve the crystals and yet withhold their magick within. For this obstacle I have been gifted at magickal pouch to carry them in, so that their magick will not fade. I shall leave this morning.
Zenpas – the 24th of December the year 3123
It seems that my mind has changed in many ways. I now live of the animals in the forest. More and more, my mind has become that of a wolf. My senses are heightened at all times and I have the urges that is written to be of equivalence to wolves. Whether or not to see this as a blessing, I cannot determent. My research seems to be worthily. Even though the sun is up now I am still in my other form. It feels strange, and somewhat to my liking. If it was possible to change and indeed to withhold your mindset when coming to this change, I would find it less of a curse. I have not met anyone on my quest. The land of the free seems deserted. I hope not this is the work of the wolftress with autumn coloured fur, she surely is wicket enough to do so.
I must continue my travels, much land still needs to be reached.
Mihpas – the 26th of December the year 3123
I have reached the pass of Thaarlan, the border to my homelands.. It feels wrong to return to this sacred realm of the highelven kin. I know I am no longer welcome there. My inner sought to that. I know I have little friends in this land.. Much have been lost here and nothingness has been gained. I fear the autumn maned wolf has spies, I know not how, but somehow it feels as I am being kept at eye at long distances. I pray whomever it might be, knows not of my quest.
Sarpas – the 27th of December the year 3123
It seems that my previous worries had no reason. My followers are indeed there. However they do not know of my reasons to be within this magickal land. I have far more serious matter to worry for now. These spies are of the autumm maned wolf. It appears that not only does her curse befall others they also seem to share the same colour of autumm. These monsters are far more sinister, bold and fierce than those of my own.. Kin.. If it shall ever come to a war.. May Avia herself prevent it. For the greater good shall surely parish under these destructive powers.. I have only my newborn ally and myself.. And she has an army!
Fenpas – the 29th of December the year 3123
I have failed in obtaining the crystals! Oh Avia, hear my plea! Why did you sent me on this hopeless quest? The winter crystal have been harvested. None remains. As I write this entry I am looking of the shattered remains. The broken edges and the walls of this now dank cavern that was once so beautifully lit in wondrous, magickal light. Is all hope lost? Will I soon become the slave of Nisara once more? The flowers bloom will soon fade, and if I have not reached Karstaag by then, my inner demon will arise within me once more and surely, with all this newly gained knowledge, seek to destroy me – Or worse. Strengthen my enemy. Nightfall approaches and it seems to cover this land and my mind in darkness. If she is nearby, or far away I cannot predict. But surely she is the greatest threat I have ever stood up against.
Harépas – the 1st of January the year 3124
I have returned in time. The flower within my grasp withered only few hours before I reached Karstaag. But in the day of light, it did not effect my demonic shape. I write now at nightfall. My mind is clear and once again surrounded by friendly landscape. The glow from the flowers under the snow, winters grab that will never let go of the high lands have reached down for the rest of Morania and covered it in snow and ice. The glow from the flowers are beautiful and knowing how important a role they play in my life, I cannot help to feel magickally drawn to them. They are in a way a part of me, for at all times do I breathe their pollen and withhold it inside my poisoned soul.
I have spoken with Kilan Faarenkar of my adventure. Finally have we come to a point where I can finally say that we understand each other. Only by late afternoon did we manage to create a magickal bound that now means we understand each other.
My prayers for Avia finally bore fruit when she granted this bound in between us. I have told him my story and personally read aloud of my entries of the long forgotten past. He was imprisoned in my tellings and not once did he stop me to ask for a deeper explanation of the many new words. The bound seem to be an immense help.
Mihpas – the 16th of January the year 3124
The time has come.
It is time for me to face the consequences of what I have created. I have told Kilan Faarenkar everything and taught him well. He knows what to do, if my mission fails. Avia will follow me from her temples, and through her I might be strong enough to defeat the autumm maned demon I have created. The crystals are ready and charged with the strongest magick I have ever held in my grasp, I only pray that my inner demon will not interfere with the ritual that will, hopefully, end this war before it have started.
Sarpas – the 17h of January the year 3124
This will likely be my last entry forever. Filarka, the devilish woman behind all the chaos in the west of Morania have finally been defeated. Her guards and scouts scattered and her reign of terror ended. But Avia have demanded that I become her guardian and thus imprison myself beside Filarka. For should anyone ever threaten to awake that, which I have enslumbered, the west forest and soon all of Morania will flow red with innocent blood.. I pray only that no one will ever be so strong and so cruel that they will break the seal that imprisons this queen of terror and destruction.
Sidst opdateret: Den 5. Feb. 2014 klokken. 11:31
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